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In Class Essays

In a new segment which I call 'Things School Makes You do That Doesn't Really Make Sense' or 'Student Life' for short, we will be talking about in class essays. Yay!!



    Now in-class essays were first thought of in 8795789 BC when the gods ran out of torture techniques. Modern technology was non-existent, so they had to make do. However, since we all are sticklers or tradition, we continue this experience, and all take fulfillment from it.

In-class essays test your ability to write a comprehensible, mature analysis in 40 minutes because we should be able to answer the deep questions of life in 15 minutes and write it down in the next 25. Don't forget to make it poetic and rhythmic, because the purpose of the essay is not only to answer a question but to win a weird Montreal International Poetry Prize and Pulitzer Prize hybrid.

    The best part about the in-class essay is the usefulness of it. I don't know if you guys are aware, but you will be expected to write life-shattering, earthmoving essays on Great Gatsby for most of your life. Forget research and scientific papers, it is the analysis of tone that will help shape your careers. The deeper meaning of the color red will help you solve any problems you will have in the future. 

    Now what a lot of people do wrong is thinking that the in-class essay is the same as a home essay. There are a few small, yet decisive differences between the two. The in-class essay is a personality test. Is your personality that of a weak cat- you will succumb to the easy task of interpreting and writing about a decade old text- or a strong lion -can very easily fib their way through the analysis of an ancient manuscript no one gives a damn about? The home essay, on the other hand, is for wimps. I mean giving students enough time to think, understand, and plan an essay? What is this Hufflepuff? You gotta make sure that the students are crying and cramping their arms, cause otherwise, they will get relaxed and actually *gasp* not stress about everything.

    Of course, in-class essays also incite camaraderie. You gotta be friends with everyone if you want to find out what the prompt is 2 hours before you take the essay.



    In short in-class essays are the sole reason we are surviving, and if we get rid of this rich tradition, we will hinder the character building of our students.

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